Living with anxiety

I am going to admit something to y'all that is very hard to admit. I have terrible anxiety. This is not something new and I have learned the more I look back, that I have had a strange sense of fear since early childhood. We have had a few things happen in our family over the last 6 years that seem to have made my anxiety much worse. 

I had my first full blown panic attack almost two years ago which was the same year I was diagnosed with melanoma. I had a panic attack two weeks ago and again this week. I have been having headaches for a month now which I believe are stress related and causing more anxiety. I have tried medication because I definitely think something is chemically off balance in my brain, but the medication makes everything worse including headaches. I finally waved the white flag last night and had my mother let all three children spend the night with her so I could do some soul searching, pray, read my Bible, watch videos on how to deal with stress, read my new book Fervent by Priscilla Shirer, pray, and cry a whole lot. I wrote down several Scriptures about peace and posted them in different places where I can see them. In my closet, on my bedside table, my mirrors, and even my Keurig. Joyce Meyer said that the stress isn't really about what is going on around you, but INSIDE of you. That really spoke to me. I have worked my little body into a tizzy worrying about EVERYTHING. The thing is I have a great life and I am truly blessed. I have done this to myself and only I am to blame here. I have managed to worry myself sick. However, now I am taking a stand and taking my life back. I am taking steps in the right direction and I know God will bring me through this. I trust God and I am going to continue to do good even on really hard days. I don't plan on running for awhile, at least until these headaches go completely away. I am asking you all to say a prayer for me because even though I have come really far in my walk with God, I am a pretty high strung person and there isn't much about me that is "calm." Many things have led up to this point and I wish I could share them all with you. I really want to be like Jesus when I start to feel stressed out. I would like to remain calm in all circumstances and not let things upset me. I hesitated sharing this, but hey, if someone needs to hear my story and if sharing what I am going through helps only one person, I am willing to put myself out there. I hope y'all are enjoying your weekend and hope to be back to running soon if it is God's will.